Throughout Dear Edward, characters deal with a lack of control over their own identities. The first chapter tackles this directly in the opening conflict between Bruce and Jordan. Bruce “can’t stop himself from tucking the loose strands” of his sons’ belonging into their security trays (3) but must watch from a distance as Jordan refuses to go through the body scanner. As Jordan exerts control over his own experiences, Bruce feels himself losing hold of his oldest son. Napolitano makes it clear that this causes Bruce great anxiety: “Fatherhood is, for him, one jolt of terror after another” (9). He is far from the only character who struggles with this.

Crispin, a once-powerful man who now relies on a wheelchair and a personal nurse, feels that his own identity has been lost when he thinks, “I felt fine a month ago. I felt like myself. I don’t know who the hell this guy is” (180). In this sense, there is an inextricable link between his identity and freedom. Similarly, Benjamin wonders at the possibility of changing his own identity as the plane hits turbulence. His lack of control over the plane sparks an urge to leave the army, which has directed much of his life: “He thinks of resigning from the army, folding his uniform into a trunk and locking it shut” (305).