Throughout this chapter, Knapp explores alcohol’s ability to delude the drinker. She notes how drinking can make a person feel powerful, as it is actually robbing him of his agency and control. She notes how drinking makes her friend, Elaine, blame others for her unhappiness, especially the married man she’s having an affair with. Knapp says alcohol damaged Elaine’s sense of control over both herself and the situation, and that it “made her see herself as a person who doesn’t have choices” (169).

In retrospect, Knapp realizes that Julian is her own version of Elaine’s married lover. He isn’t married, but Knapp’s relationship with him makes her feel devoid of control and choices. Julian is an art dealer Knapp describes as cerebral, urbane, and a connoisseur of the finer things in life. He seems like an improvement on previous boyfriends, even though he comes off as a jerk in the beginning. Knapp says Julian:

looked like a new solution to an old set of puzzles, a person who could help me learn to feed myself with pleasure instead of anxiety, who could teach me to merge the intellect I’d grown up with and the passion I’d felt lacking (171).