Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is a 2022 memoir by Canadian American actor Matthew Perry. The book recounts the impact of parental divorce on Perry’s childhood, his teenage years as a nationally ranked tennis player, and his fame as Chandler in the sitcom Friends. The “Big Terrible Thing” of the title refers to the author’s life-threatening battle with addiction to drugs and alcohol. Perry’s motivation for sharing his experiences is to help other people living with addiction. Recurring themes in the memoir include The Nature of Addiction, Fear of Abandonment, and The Fantasy and the Reality of Fame. The narrative tone is frank and often darkly humorous. This guide refers to the 2022 Headline eBook edition.

Content Warning: This book includes descriptions of substance use and addiction to drugs and alcohol.

Summary

Matthew Perry was born in Canada in 1969. As a baby, he had colic and was prescribed barbiturates to help him sleep. His parents separated when he was nine months old, and his father moved to California to become an actor. At the age of five, Perry went to visit his father for the first time.

Perry’s mother worked long hours as press secretary to the Canadian prime minister. Consequently, her son felt neglected and often uses his comic skills to get her attention. Perry is also a talented tennis player and is nationally ranked by the age of 14. When Perry’s mother remarries, she has two more children. Perry loves his sisters but increasingly feels like an outsider in the family. He begins smoking, drinking, and behaving rebelliously. At the age of 15, he decides to live with his father in Los Angeles and become an actor.

Perry is desperate for fame and gets his first acting role in high school. He appears in several TV shows and stars in the movie A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon alongside River Phoenix. By the age of 21, he frequently misuses alcohol. In 1994, his friend Craig Bierko turns down the role of Chandler Bing in a new TV series, Friends. Perry, who believes the part is made for him, is cast in his place. The show is phenomenally successful, and by the 10th and final season, each cast member earns over a million dollars per episode.

In 1995, Perry dates movie star, Julia Roberts. However, he ends the relationship, convinced she will break up with him. So begins a pattern of behavior where Perry abruptly breaks off romantic relationships due to his fear of abandonment. After completing season two of Friends, Perry appears in the movie Fools Rush In. During filming, he has a jet ski accident and is prescribed Vicodin. He soon develops an addiction to the drug and, 18 months later, takes 55 daily pills. Perry goes to a rehabilitation center and successfully detoxes but soon begins using prescription drugs again. Over the next two decades, he goes to rehab 15 times, spending approximately $9 million.

In addition to using drugs, Perry continues drinking heavily. In 2000, he is treated for pancreatitis caused by excessive alcohol consumption. The actor believes he has concealed his addictions from the cast of Friends. However, one day, costar Jennifer Aniston reveals that his costars know he is drinking to excess. Perry promises he will resolve his addiction. He begins shooting the 2002 romantic comedy Serving Sara, meanwhile continuing to take dangerous levels of drugs and alcohol. The filming of both Serving Sara and Friends is suspended when Perry goes to a rehabilitation center. The author is sued for shutting down the movie.

In 2004, Perry shoots the final episode of Friends. Shortly afterward, he stars in The Ron Clark Story. He also receives Emmy nominations for his appearances in the TV show The West Wing. However, from this point, his acting career falters. Perry is offered no more movie roles, and the TV shows he appears in are not well received. The author begins writing screenplays and a play. He writes and co-produces Mr. Sunshine, but the TV show is short-lived due to low ratings.

After numerous failed recovery attempts, Perry makes progress at a treatment center in Utah, where a counselor helps him confront his childhood issues of abandonment. Newly sober, Perry campaigns to establish drug courts with his Alcoholics Anonymous mentor Earl Hightower. The author invests in Hightower’s business and sets up a sober living facility called Perry House. However, the facility loses money, and Perry is forced to sell. Losing not only the money he invested, but also the sense of purpose he gained from his work with Hightower, Perry begins using alcohol and drugs again. In 2016, Perry appears in his own stage play, The End of Longing, in London’s West End. The show receives poor reviews and an even worse reception when it transfers to Broadway.

In 2018, Perry’s colon ruptures due to his persistent opiate use. Doctors tell his family he has a 2% chance of survival. The author remains in a coma for six weeks. When he regains consciousness, he is horrified to discover he almost died and has been fitted with a temporary colostomy bag. Nevertheless, he begins taking opioids during his recovery. In another rehabilitation center, he experiences withdrawal and repeatedly hits his head against a stairwell wall.

In 2020, Perry stays in a Swiss rehabilitation facility. Faking stomach pain, he obtains opioids from doctors and proposes to his girlfriend while high. When doctors decide Perry needs surgery for his stomach pain, he is given propofol. The drug stops his heart for five minutes. CPR saves the author’s life but also breaks several of his ribs. He returns to Los Angeles sober but does not remember asking his girlfriend to marry him. He ends the relationship.

With the help of a therapist, Perry finally stops using the drugs he developed addictions to. When a doctor warns smoking will kill him by the age of 60, he also gives up cigarettes. However, he takes up smoking again when his top teeth fall out after biting into a slice of toast.

By the memoir’s end, Perry is 52 years old and a sober non-smoker. He credits Alcoholics Anonymous for helping him to give up alcohol and now acts as a sponsor for other people. The author remains single but admits his desire for a wife and family. Perry hopes Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing will help others living with addiction.