How to Make Friends With the Dark (2019) is a young adult novel by Kathleen Glasgow. It follows 16-year-old Grace “Tiger” Tolliver in the aftermath of her mother’s sudden death as she learns how to navigate grief and life on her own. The book explores The Struggles of Coping With Grief, The Challenges of the Foster Care System, and The Importance of Community in Healing.

Kathleen Glasgow is a New York Times best-selling author who writes young adult fiction. Her books have been nominated for numerous school reading awards. How to Make Friends With the Dark was her second novel, and it was named an International Literacy Association Honor Book.

This guide refers to the 2019 Oneworld Publications Kindle edition.

Content Warning: The source material and this guide discuss themes of grief, parental loss, and trauma. They also mention self-harm, suicide, suicidal ideation, and panic attacks, and they contain descriptions of substance abuse, addiction, and domestic violence.

Plot Summary

Grace “Tiger” Tolliver is a 16-year-old girl who lives with her single mother, June. They have no other family, as June’s parents died when she was in college, and Tiger has never known her biological father. One morning, Tiger has a fight with her mother since she wants to attend a dance with a boy, Kai Henderson, and June is worried and hesitant about it. That same evening, while Tiger is with Kai, June dies of a brain aneurysm.

Tiger is shocked and bereft. Her best friend, Cake, and Cake’s parents arrive to support her, but despite their protests, Tiger is absorbed into the foster care system. She spends one night at a rigid, cold foster home, before her case worker, Karen, moves her to a nicer place run by a foster parent named LaLa. Tiger struggles with grief and loss, losing her appetite and spiraling into dark thoughts.

Soon after, Tiger discovers her father’s identity from one of June’s old friends, and Karen tracks him down. Unfortunately, Dustin Franklin, Tiger’s father, is in prison for injuring someone while driving intoxicated. However, Tiger discovers that she also has a 20-year-old half-sister, Shayna, who is willing to be Tiger’s guardian.

When Shayna arrives, their initial interactions are awkward because June had an affair with Dustin when he was still married to Shayna’s mother, and this broke up Shayna’s family. Tiger learns that Shayna has come on their father’s request, and she wonders whether Shayna really wants to care for her. However, after an incident at school where Tiger slaps a girl who provokes her, Shayna sticks up for Tiger and saves her from expulsion. Tiger gets off with a suspension and mandatory sessions of grief counseling at school; she also comes to believe that Shayna is committed to her care.

At school, Tiger bonds with her fellow grief group members. As they all open up to one another at the sessions, Tiger begins to feel understood and accepted by them. She spends time with them after school and joins them as they drink alcohol and smoke marijuana. When June’s death certificate arrives in the mail, Tiger spirals and drinks too much. Shayna is concerned at this uncharacteristic behavior, but Tiger brushes it off.

After school is out for the summer, the grief group spends a week at the local ranch as a therapeutic exercise. Tiger enjoys this time and discovers that she loves horses as much as June did. While Tiger is at the ranch, Shayna calls unexpectedly, saying she will pick Tiger up early to go on vacation; however, she never shows up. When Tiger finally gets home, she discovers that Shayna’s abusive ex-boyfriend, Ray, has tracked her down. He hurts both Shayna and Tiger, and Shayna urges Tiger to run.

Tiger flees the house and calls 911 for Shayna. She runs into a girl from her grief group, and the two of them drink together. Later, an intoxicated Tiger crashes her mother’s truck into a mailbox and is arrested. While she is in custody, Tiger learns that Shayna never completed the paperwork to be her legal guardian; Shayna is also currently unreachable. Tiger becomes a ward of the state and is remanded to a juvenile detention center. Later, she is moved to a juvenile group home run by a caring woman, Teddy, who helps Tiger let go of the guilt she carries about her mother’s death.

Shayna eventually resurfaces, and Tiger is released into her custody. She tells Tiger the truth about her past: Shayna is an alcoholic and has been sober for six months. When Dustin and Karen contacted her about Tiger, Shayna saw it as an opportunity to leave her abusive boyfriend and live life with a new sense of purpose. Ray didn’t take the breakup well, and he tracked her down. However, after the 911 call that Tiger made, Shayna pressed charges, and Ray is completely out of the picture.

Shayna promises to do better by Tiger, and she thinks they need a fresh start. She has arranged a place for them to move into in Tucson. Tiger feels hopeful and decides to go with this plan. While she is packing to move, Tiger finds June’s cellphone. June has recorded a video on it that tells Tiger the truth about her past. June reveals that her parents died when she was 11, not when she was in college; she was passed around relatives’ homes for years, unwanted by all. She kept Tiger close and protected her because she didn’t ever want to lose her daughter.

Tiger and Shayna move into their new home and settle into a rhythm with school, work, and each other. Tiger continues to attend grief group counseling and realizes that she must learn to live with grief for the rest of her life.