There are moments that Gay herself does not remember (and her family is not privy to), so she peruses a family album that reveals her life before her assault—including photos of her as a daydreaming five-year-old and a happy seven-year-old with her siblings. Through these photos, Gay recounts how much she loved reading; she wore dresses and play-fought with her two brothers. However, her older self smiles less and her choice of clothing changes.

It turns out, 12-year-old Gay was raped by her then “boyfriend” and his friends in a cabin near her home. This assault and betrayal of trust forever changed Gay’s life and her relationship with her body.

The boys who assaulted Gay went on to tell her classmates about the attack, shaming her and ruining her reputation. Gay’s self-esteem was left in tatters: “Those boys treated me like nothing so I became nothing” (45). She became withdrawn and began eating to fortify her body against potential future violence.

The assault robbed Gay of her remaining childhood. She felt ashamed and unsafe, retreating into books and trying to live up to her parents’ image of her as a “good girl.” She feared that if her parents knew the truth, they would despise her as she despised herself.