“I encouraged Parisa to phone me, and we spoke a few times. Her voice always trembled as we shared our memories of our cell mates, recalling friendships that had helped us survive.

A few weeks later, she told me she didn’t want to talk to me anymore; she didn’t want to remember. ‘I can’t do it. It’s too hard. It’s too painful,’ she said, her voice choked by tears.

I understood and didn’t argue. She had made her choice—and I had made mine.”

Nemat reflects on the contrasting ways individuals cope with traumatic memories, through a dialogue with Parisa, a former cellmate. While Nemat seeks connection and solace in sharing their painful past, Parisa finds the recollection unbearable and chooses to distance herself from these memories. Nemat respects Parisa’s decision to avoid further emotional pain, which highlights the individual differences in dealing with trauma.

“The government had ordered women to cover their hair and had issued edicts against music, makeup, paintings of unveiled women, and Western books, which had all been declared satanic and therefore illegal.”

Nemat discusses the oppressive measures enforced by the government, specifically concerning how these measures targeted women’s autonomy and cultural expression. By mandating how women should dress and banning various forms of art and Western influences, the government imposed strict control over personal freedoms and cultural life. This passage reveals a broader theme of the narrative: the struggle against authoritarianism and the suppression of individual rights and cultural identity, which highlights the regime’s attempt to reshape society through rigid ideological enforcement.

“The guards guided me to a black Mercedes parked at our door. They opened the back door, and I stepped in. The car started to move. I looked back and caught a glimpse of the bright windows of our apartment staring into darkness and the shadows of my parents standing in the doorway. I knew I was supposed to be terrified, but I wasn’t. A cold void had surrounded me.”

Nemat narrates her abduction, focusing on the stark contrast between her former life and her imminent unknown fate. The detailed observation of her surroundings and the emotional detachment reflect her shock and disassociation in the face of trauma. This moment signifies a horrifying change in her life, marking the transition from the safety of her home to the uncertainty and fear of captivity.