Duhigg opens the chapter with the story of Jim Lawler, a young CIA case officer who struggled to recruit spies in the early 1980s. Despite his initial failures, Lawler eventually learned the importance of establishing genuine connections and matching the conversational mindsets of others. Through his interactions with Yasmin, a potential asset from the Middle East, Lawler discovered that the key to successful communication lies in listening closely, sharing one’s own vulnerabilities, and finding common ground.

Duhigg discusses the scientific research underlying human communication, referencing a range of studies that showcase the synchronization of people’s brains and bodies during effective conversations, a phenomenon known as “neural entrainment.” He mentions research conducted at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Germany, where scientists studied the brains of guitarists playing together. The study found that when the musicians transitioned from playing separately to performing a duet, their neural activity began to synchronize, and this linkage often extended to their breathing, heart rates, and even the electrical impulses along their skin. Duhigg also cites a Princeton study that measured the neural activity of people listening to a woman recount a complex story, revealing that the listeners’ minds synchronized with the narrator’s, experiencing the same feelings at the same time.