Duhigg explores the concept of negotiation in everyday conversations. He argues that every conversation involves a “quiet negotiation” in which participants try to determine what everyone wants to discuss and how the discussion will unfold. Duhigg calls this the What’s This Really About? conversation.

The author illustrates this concept through several examples. First, he describes how Dr. Behfar Ehdaie, a prostate cancer surgeon, struggled to communicate effectively with his patients about their treatment options. Initially, Dr. Ehdaie assumed his patients wanted objective medical advice, but he failed to ask what mattered most to them. With the help of a negotiation expert, Dr. Ehdaie learned to ask open-ended questions to uncover his patients’ values and desires, leading to better communication and fewer unnecessary surgeries.

Duhigg then analyzes the dynamics of a jury deliberation in the trial of Leroy Reed, a felon who was charged with illegal gun possession. The author highlights the role of a supercommunicator named John Boly, who skillfully navigated the negotiation process within the jury. Boley asked questions to understand what each juror wanted from the discussion, then experimented with new ideas to reframe the conversation and challenge the initial momentum towards a guilty verdict.