Survival of the Friendliest: Understanding Our Origins and Rediscovering Our Common Humanity is a 2020 non-fiction work by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods. It explores the evolutionary roots of human behavior, emphasizing the significance of friendliness and cooperation in shaping our species. Brian Hare, an anthropologist and evolutionary biologist, and Vanessa Woods, a journalist and researcher, challenge the traditional notion of “survival of the fittest.” Cited in the fields of evolutionary psychology and anthropology, this popular-science book touches on themes such as The Evolutionary Advantages of Friendliness and Cooperation, The Impact of Social Behavior on Human History and Progress, and Empathy as a Driving Force in Human Interaction.

This guide is based on the Random House 2020 e-book edition. Citations are to page numbers in this edition.

Content Warning: The source text and this guide include discussions of anthropological power structures, violence, sexual coercion, racism, and dehumanization.

Summary

The book begins with the story of Carlos, a fifth-grader in Austin, Texas, who faced significant challenges in a desegregated classroom in 1971. Psychologist Elliot Aronson introduced the “jigsaw” method, which fostered cooperation over competition, transforming the classroom environment and highlighting the power of friendliness in education. This anecdote sets the stage for the authors’ central argument: Cooperation and kindness have been crucial for human success.

Hare and Woods argue that true evolutionary fitness involves the ability to survive and reproduce through cooperation and kindness. They see this as contrary to the popular belief that survival is about being the strongest or most aggressive. The authors will provide numerous examples from nature to illustrate this point. For instance, mitochondria, once free-floating bacteria, became essential components of our cells through mutualistic relationships. Similarly, social insects like ants form massive colonies that operate as single units, demonstrating the power of cooperative behavior.

The authors explore the concept of self-domestication, using Dmitry Belyaev’s experiment with foxes as a case study. By selecting foxes for friendliness, Belyaev observed significant behavioral and physical changes over generations, paralleling traits seen in domesticated animals. This experiment shows that domestication traits can arise naturally through selection for sociability. Bonobos provide another example of self-domestication. Unlike their aggressive chimpanzee relatives, bonobos exhibit peaceful and cooperative behavior, with females playing a dominant role in maintaining social harmony. Richard Wrangham’s hypothesis posits that ecological factors favored the evolution of bonobo friendliness, highlighting the evolutionary advantages of sociability.

The authors explore the possibility of human self-domestication, linking emotional reactivity to the theory of mind development. Jerome Kagan’s research on human emotional reactivity and Henry Wellman’s studies on theory of mind suggest that less emotionally reactive individuals develop better communication and cooperation skills. This link between temperament and cognitive abilities supports the hypothesis of human self-domestication. The concept of neoteny, the retention of juvenile traits into adulthood, plays a crucial role in understanding the evolution of friendliness. Domesticated animals, like dogs and bonobos, exhibit neotenous traits, which are associated with reduced aggression and enhanced sociability.

The book turns to the darker side of human interaction, focusing on group aggression and dehumanization. The story of Rachel, a nanny from the Banyamulenge tribe in Congo, is used to illustrate the extreme aggression triggered by perceived group threats. This behavior is linked to the hormone oxytocin, which fosters both bonding and protective aggression. The authors emphasize that dehumanization, fueled by oxytocin, can lead to violence against perceived outsiders. The practice of “simianization,” comparing certain human groups to apes, is explored in the context of historical and modern racism. The book shows how this dehumanization process was used to justify past atrocities like slavery and the Holocaust and continues to influence racial prejudices and disparities in modern society.

The authors trace the evolution of social structures from egalitarian hunter-gatherer groups to hierarchical agricultural societies. The advent of agriculture marked the beginning of despotism, as larger societies enabled autocrats to monopolize power. The subsequent rise of constitutional democracies introduced systems of checks and balances, fostering power-sharing and reducing violence. Democracies, designed to defend human rights and maintain egalitarian principles, contribute to better human rights records, economic growth, and social well-being. Claudine André’s dedication to animal welfare in war-torn Congo exemplifies the connection between kindness to animals and kindness to people. The relationship between humans and dogs has evolved significantly in many modern societies, with dogs transitioning from work animals to family members. The hierarchical view of dog breeds, originating in the Victorian era, mirrors social hierarchies and reflects broader social attitudes.

Survival of the Friendliest underscores the evolutionary advantages of friendliness and cooperation, challenging traditional views of “survival of the fittest.” By examining animal behavior and human history, the authors illustrate how these traits have shaped human societies and cognitive abilities. The book also addresses the darker aspects of human nature, emphasizing the importance of empathy and understanding in overcoming dehumanization and fostering more inclusive and harmonious societies.