In The Custom of the Country, traditional gender norms affect both men and women. These norms are inherent in the very title of the novel. Wharton proposes that the “custom of the country” dictates that American men don’t discuss the reality of their financial stresses because they don’t respect their wives. This oppresses both men and women; men aren’t given the space to sort through their pressures, and women aren’t deemed smart enough to handle those pressures.

This dynamic is evident in Ralph and Undine’s marriage. Ralph completely buckles under the pressure of providing for Undine. His way of life is brought into scrutiny because he doesn’t work for a living and prefers to keep his expenses low. For Ralph, a life of humble travel and intellectual pursuits is happiness enough. However, in marriage to Undine, Ralph is forced to keep up with her extravagant material desires. Ralph bends over backward to make Undine happy. He takes up work he’s underprepared for and works so hard that he nearly dies of pneumonia. Ralph exemplifies an underappreciated man who has few avenues to deal with his stresses. Without someone to confide in, Ralph internalizes the perception of his weaknesses. Undine emasculates him constantly, pointing to other men who seem to have no trouble buying their wives expensive clothing and jewelry.