Listening to or reading lectures on meditation and awakening merely point one toward the real source of understanding, the self: “studying ourselves provides all the books we need” (97).

Bodhidharma, who brought Buddhism to China, taught that the “unclouded experience” of the Buddha lies within each person. In searching for it among all of one’s uncomfortable feelings, they can become overly serious and morbid. To remedy this tendency, one practices kindness toward oneself.

As a person lightens up, they find that they can accept kindly the difficult feelings expressed by others: “we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes” (101). In seeing their struggles, one sees more of their own in a self-reinforcing process of learning and understanding. One thus grows up and becomes helpful and useful in the world.

When a person abandons their own comforting beliefs about reality, they begin to understand how others think and feel. As they become more accepting of their own pain, they also can sense the pain in others.

Unhoused people become invisible to outsiders. No one will talk to them; their loneliness is intense. Their pain feels unbearable, so people walk away from them.